His Office Held Hostage - Is That A Wedding Gown On My File Cabinet?

Our house may soon be asked to appear on "Hoarders" I have never seen so many piles of stuff in my life.

Boxes and boxes of flowers, candles (but alas, no gold, green glittery ones), candle holders, tulle, lanterns, wreaths, glue guns, lights, trees, napkins, fake china, my 7th grade science teacher Mr. Dewberry, cups, votives, fabric swatches, olive oil dispensers...the list could go on for days.

And where are all these precious treasures being stored? Why, in the only room in the house that doesn't have squatters someone living in it...the father of the bride's teeny-tiny sanctuary from the world...his office.

Overnight, his office has been transformed into a bargain bin craft store.

Lots of foot traffic in his office lately. Lots of browsing going on. Lots of time spent deciding the perfect spot for each new box that arrives from Ted. Who's Ted? Ted is the UPS guy that we used to see once every 8 months.

Our families are now spending Thanksgiving together this year.

I guess it could be worse. I know that soon, all the boxes will be empty and their treasures will be tucked away for safe keeping (or sold on craigslist). And the father of the bride will have his office back.

I just hope I can send Mr. Dewberry back C.O.D.

They're Gold. They're Green. They're Glittery. What More Could You Ask For? (Oh, And We Have A Winner Too)

As we were walking down the aisle of the craft store, we rounded the corner and that's when I saw them.

Hanging on a rack, just waiting for me to discover them. Like Christopher Columbus. Like Lewis & Clark. Like that guy who discovered the Milky Way...I can never remember his name...

Anyway, there they were...

They were gold.
They were green.
They were glittery.

Really, really glittery.

As I reached for the gold glittered green candles (try saying that fast three times...gold glittered green candles, gold glittered green candles, gold glittered green candles...) the bride looked at me as if to say, "What do you think you're doing?"

But feeling a little like Gollum and his ring, I was drawn to them. They were calling out to me. With a wide grin and a glazed look in my eyes, I turned to the bride, and while nodding my head said, "Oh Kaitlin, what do you think of these?"

*sigh*

She passed on the gold glittered green candles. Needless to say, I was disappointed. But I don't think I helped my cause any. When I asked her what she thought of the candles, I was holding them next to my cheek, slightly petting them and by that point had called them, "Precious" at least four times.

As we turned the corner and headed down the next aisle, I looked back at the gold glittered green candles, and for just a second I thought I heard them whisper, "please, please take us with you. you know you want too"

I've got to stop watching "Lord of the Rings" every night.

And that means the correct statement is B! And our winner is Mary!

"Name That Bad Idea" Giveaway - All That Sparkles & Shines

**********Comments Are Closed**********

Okie dokie, it's Friday again and this week our "Name That Bad Idea" giveaway has a little sparkle to it...a little glitz, a little glamour...and of course, totally tasteful (Ha! *cough, *cough oops, sorry...just spit out my coffee)

We've spend a lot of time in stores looking for items to decorate the church and reception hall. And while this isn't unusual, something strange has begun happening to me.

I've become unexpectedly drawn to shiny, glittery, sparkly objects.

Usually my taste runs to the low key (ok, boring) and the bride definitely has subtle taste but this wedding planning stuff has done something to my DNA. Last weekend, we were walking down an aisle in a craft store when suddenly I stopped in my tracks, lifted my nose into the air, took a sniff and said "I smell a Bedazzler two aisles over".

Which can only mean one thing...shiny, glittery, sparkly bad ideas.

So that means you get the chance to choose which shiny, glittery, sparkly bad idea I shared with the bride is actually true. And what is the giveaway this week? Well, how about you pick something shiny, glittery and sparkly for yourself? The prize is:

(1) One $25 VISA gift card

Here's how you play:

Read the three statements below and choose the one you think I actually "discussed" with the bride. One of the statements is absolutely true. I really thought it was a good idea. And then it was toss out like a mirrored disco ball at a square dance. 

Leave (just one!) comment with your guess (A, B or C) and when times up, I'll put all the correct guesses in a bowl and pick a winner!

so here we go.......which one of the following do you think I suggested to the bride last week?

I thought it would be a great idea to...

A. Put shiny satin bows in the bridesmaids hair...orange shiny satin bows

B. Purchase long, green tapered candles that have been rolled in gold glitter (the kind we used for school projects) for all the reception tables

C. Have the bride wear a sparkly top with "Future Mrs. B." embroidered across the back at the rehearsal dinner.

Comments will be closed on Saturday, August 6, 2011 at 11:00 a.m. Eastern

Bouquets & Rice: Week 3 - My Laptop Runneth Over

Some odds and ends from this week...

Have I mentioned that the bride finally found her wedding gown? I wasn't sure if I had written a post about it or not...
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Top 10 Wedding-Related Items I Googled This Week:

10. olives
  9. green heart-shaped beads
  8. fake china (it was late and I couldn't think of the word "chinet")
  7. Moroccan lanterns
  6. table runners
  5. the letter B (also the letters K and J...don't ask)
  4. peonies wreaths
  3. carousels (yes, really)
  2. battery operated "firefly" lights

and the number one wedding-related item I googled this week:

  1. pickle forks

(thanks Dave L. for the inspiration)
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The night before we found "the one" the bride and I were sitting in our family room, both of us with a laptop, trolling page after page of gowns:

Me: ok, how about page 3, top row, middle picture?
Kaitlin: no, too many ruffles, check out page 7, middle section, last picture on the right.
Me: no, that won't work, out of our price range...
Kaitlin: well, then what do you think of the one right below it?
Me: that one's very pretty, what about on the next....

I think the salesgirl was really excited to see us the next day with our laptops.
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Been watching a few wedding videos on youtube lately, just to get some ideas about the ceremony...and found this little gem...

Do They Make Wedding Crocs?

Now that the bride has her dress (I'm still pinching myself, just to make sure that it's been purchased and ordered...I've been repeating "it's not a dream, it really happened, they took the check" over and over since last night) we've begun thinking about what we should accomplish next...a new goal...

And that new goal would be shoes.

The bride is a statuesque young lady (at 5'11) and she's never felt comfortable in heels. So she's been considering wearing a shoe in a very low heel or possibly even flats on their wedding day. But whatever shoes she decides on, one thing is for sure...they have to be comfortable.

Because the last thing she wants to be doing on their wedding day is the old lady shuffle. There's enough of that going on around our house when I get up in the morning.

As we've begun talking a little bit about shoes in the last day or two, (I never thought I'd be having a serious conversation around the dinner table in which the discussion starts with, "I was thinking about shoes the other day.") I've started to get a funny feeling that hunt for the right shoes may be as intense as the wedding gown search.

While we were at the bridal store, as the bride (still clipped into her new wedding gown) was taking her eighth "Yay!-I-finally-found-it!" victory lap around the store, I took a peek at the store's selection of bridal shoes.

White shoe after white shoe in every style possible. Heels, flats, stilettos, platforms, pumps, sandals, skimmers, mules, slippers...even athletic shoes with pretty bows and bling. I started to get a little dizzy as I was standing there in front of the wall of shoes. Kinda like I was in a game of Ring-around-the-Rosy. And then this thought crossed my mind,

"I wonder if she'd be willing to go barefoot?"

Let the shoe hunt begin!

Late Breaking News! She Found "The One!"

*cue the theme music from "Rocky"*

This afternoon the bride and I ventured back into the big city, back to the first store, back to the first salesgirl...

and found "the one".


The elusive one, the one that's been hidden in between the silver racks, the one that's been lurking among the reeds, the one that's been taunting us from the dense grove of trees, the one that...yea, ok I know, enough already...yep, we found the bride's wedding gown!

It's perfect for her. And yet not at all what I thought she would like in a wedding gown. Makes sense huh?

We went to the store armed with a short list of dresses she found online, pulled four off the rack and never got to the last one. Lucky number three was it. She tried it on and suddenly there it was. The Look. She hadn't had that look before with any of the other gowns. And then I couldn't get her out of it to go home.

After walking around the store with the gown on for about a half hour, I finally got her to give the gown back by promising to take her to Mickey D's for an ice cream cone. That usually works with Kaitlin. Not so much with Taryn. With Taryn, it usually takes cash.

So...after a few weeks of searching and stressing...

We have a wedding gown. 

We have a veil. 

We have a crinoline. 

We have a sash.

We have a necklace.

We have to tell her father how much it all cost.

The Wedding Gown - Round Three

We went back out on Saturday...another town, another store (actually two stores)...and no dress.

On our ride home, I was starting to feel discouraged and so was the bride. Dress after dress, looking online and in stores, with close to 20 different gowns put on and taken off, our options were starting to look dim and dire.

But then suddenly last night, poking around online, I found it...this could be "the one"...

The latest couture wedding gown, fresh from the runways in Paris...made entirely out of toilet paper.

And I've got coupons!

Bouquets & Rice: Week 2 - The Rocky Edition

Some odds and ends from this week...

We're going back out there. Come sundown tonight it begins again. We're not gonna let it beat us. We're taking it to the mat. We've been in training all week long. We've been running, done hundreds of push-ups and sit-ups, punched slabs of frozen beef, drank dozens of raw eggs and have listened to the "Rocky" theme song over and over and over again...

...all in preparation for the big day.

We're going wedding gown shopping on Saturday...again.

 Yo, Kaaaiiitttllliinnn!

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Well, my plan to eat only foods that begin with the letter "R" didn't work out too well this past week.

Who would of thought only eating Rice Krispie treats, Ricotta cheese, Red Jolly Ranchers and Rocky (there he is again) Road ice cream all week would actually make you gain weight. And on top of it, we've been training all week to go shopping (see above).

Maybe I'll give the letter "Q" a try.
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Besides inheriting her father's level-headedness, love of list-making and general practicality, another gift the bride has inherited from her father is motion sickness. Yes, that happiest of all travel ailments affects two of our family members severely. Neither one of them can read in a moving vehicle, ride in a back seat or sit on a boat for more than 17 seconds without getting ill.

It's made some of our family vacations a real treat.

And since the happy couple are still discussing their options for the honeymoon, that means going on a cruise is out.

Sometimes boats can be a little rocky (I know, stretching the "Rocky" reference a little thin here) and even the big cruise ships will sway from time to time. And I have a feeling that the groom would rather not spend their honeymoon holding back his new wife's hair while she's "indisposed".

So no cruise for the happy couple. Maybe a train trip to the Rocky Mountains would be fun (ok, starting to get a little desperate with the "Rocky" references now).
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One way I deal with the stresses of planning a wedding is by escaping to our sunroom, turning on the Netflix and watching an episode or two of my favorite cartoon from childhood, "Rocky & Bullwinkle" (really!)

and so I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the squirrel and the moose from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota...

Rocky: Well, they don't call him Wrongway Peachfuzz for nothing!

Bullwinkle: You mean they gotta pay?

Couponing Through The Tulips

My love for coupons has wiggled it's way into the planning of the wedding.

Oh you haven't heard? Why yes, I'm the gal in line ahead of you, the one who has 32 boxes of cereal and a stack of coupons to match. The gal who has a buy one, get one free coupon for 86 cans of cat food...and doesn't own a cat.

(just kidding...I'm not really "extreme"...but I do have 12 bottles of BBQ sauce and 8 jars of mayo at home)

My problem is sometimes my love of coupons blinds me. Sometimes all I see is the savings, and not the item itself that I'm considering purchasing. And that can cause conflict between me and the bride. Case in point:

Me: Kaitlin, look at these! Pink boas! Oooo...and they're on sale! And I've got a...hold on a minute...(as I begin digging to bottom of my bag)...found it! I've got a 40% off coupon! It expires in 3 minutes but if we hurry and run across the store to the checkout line we can still use it! Oooo...what do you think? Wouldn't these be perfect for the bridesmaids?

Kaitlin: Ummm, no mom, I don't think pink boas would look good.

Me: But they're on sale AND I have a coupon! (the holy grail of couponing)

Kaitlin: Well, I really don't think pink boas are a good idea, even if they are on sale (she is her father's child...level headed and sane).

Me: *sighing* alright, I guess we'll pass...Oooo, (seeing something shiny out of the corner of my eye) what's that? Gold patent leather purses on the clearance rack! And I think the 40% coupon would work! Oooo, wouldn't those be perfect for..."

Kaitlin: *sighing* let's go mom (leading me by the arm out of the clearance aisle)

Now if I can only find a coupon for their honeymoon...

The Wedding Gown - Round Two

We went wedding gown shopping again...and this time we went to an actual store.

*sigh*

We made the appointment, drove into the big city, met with the consultant and then Taryn and I sat down in front of the mirrored dressing rooms for the try-on's.

And try-on's did we ever.

Not only did the bride try on multiple dresses, but throw in cathedral length veils, finger-tip length veils, veil caps, feathered hair clips, beaded headbands, fake diamond necklaces, fake pearl necklaces, heels, flats...good grief, I'm sweatin' just typing it.

And so after two hours, one box of tissues, three bottles of water, six dresses and multiple accessories we walked out of the store...dressless.

I'm starting to wonder if finding "The One" is sorta like those hunters and fishermen that tell you stories about the deer or fish that have always alluded them. That mystical 12 point buck that great-grandpa told stories about, roaming the forest, always staying just out of sight of the hunter. Or that 18 pound bass that swims in and out of the reeds, the one nicknamed "Bubba", that steals your bait but is never hooked.

But then again I'm sure "The One" is out there. Our very own "Bubba" is somewhere out there, lurking among the racks and racks of lace. And we'll keep hunting until we find it. Just as long as I don't have to do this:

Shopping for wedding gowns is not for the faint of heart...

The Wedding Gown - Round One

Last week we went wedding gown shopping. We looked at what seemed like dozens and dozens of gowns until Kaitlin found one that was just perfect and decided to buy it. It was, after all, "The One".

Now shopping for wedding gowns, as most people know, is a time honored tradition that for decades, mothers and daughters have shared together. Precious memories made among the white satin, the lace, the beading, the exuberant salesgirl...and for us, the tradition included one extra special memory...

The computer.

Yes, she bought her wedding gown online. And I was an accessory.

Someone had gotten word to us that the local bridal shop was having a huge sale. Giant. Big. Ginormous. And what better way to check out a great sale then by going online and seeing what's what. So that's exactly how we spent her lunch hour last Tuesday. Perusing gowns in front of the laptop.

And then she found it.

"The One".

And it was on sale. Big time.

And I had a promotional code for an additional 10% off. (I'm feeling a little faint just typing it)

Giddy with the glow of  I-can't-believe-we-just-bought-your-wedding-gown-for-$...we naturally began bragging telling anyone and everyone we could think of the unbelievable deal we got on the gown.

I think I might have even dialed our bug man and told him.

A week passed and then this afternoon a big, pretty white box arrived at our doorstep. Tissue paper and ribbon, white satin and ruching, a delicate flower applique...and then she tried it on.

In the midst of zipping her into the gown, suddenly the words "looks like something a Kardashian sister would wear" were uttered by someone in the room. Now I'm not quite sure who exactly said them, but since it was only me, Kaitlin and her sister Taryn in the room at the time, I'm guessing one of us has seen one too many tabloid magazine covers at the grocery store lately.

Back into the box in went. "The One" turned out to be a dud. Our deal of the decade was a lemon, leaving a sour taste in our mouths. But on the bright side, the huge sale isn't over yet and we have an appointment with a real live exuberant salesgirl next week.

I'm just hoping she'll take my other promotional code.