You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

I've shared before about my love for all things coupons. The thrill of getting 50 cents off a can of green beans is almost like winning lotto. Almost.

I mean you don't have reporters surrounding you when you luck upon a box of spaghetti on sale with BOGO coupon. And you don't get a large cardboard receipt instead of a large cardboard check when saltines go on clearance.

Nevertheless, you add into the mix, a coupon for wedding stuff? It can send me into a slight tizzy. For instance:

A few weeks ago I had some coupons for those clicking candle lighter thingies. And the bride and I went to our local big box discount store to do some shopping and we decided to pick the lighters up. But (gasp) the big box discount store didn't have the brand we were looking for but as luck would have it, a store clerk mentioned that the dollar store down the street happened to carry those lighters.

And they were on sale.

As quickly as she said "on sale", something happened to me. I fell into a shark feeding frenzy mode. You know those videos of sharks, eating big chunks of fish, black eyes rolling back into their heads, jaws chomping down frantically on their prey?

Yeah, that was me in the middle hardware section at the big box discount store.

I grabbed all the the coupons I had in my bag, shoved them towards the bride and said, (normal voice...) "Ok, go over there and (voice starting to get a little louder...) Grab All The Clicky Candle (voice starting to get a touch shrill...) Lighter Thingies (and now I'm yelling...)YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON! QUICK!!!"

I must have been flashing back to the one and only time I waited outside in the freezing cold, in line overnight, to get into the big box discount store the day after Thanksgiving. I guess I was afraid I would be be trampled by the stampede of all the other crazed mothers of the brides, all wanting the same coveted clicking candle lighter thingies.

Of course I was the only person in the store looking for them.

I sent the bride over to the dollar store to get them and stayed in the big box discount store, picking up a few groceries as I waited. After about 20 minutes, the bride found me on the bread aisle. She was empty handed, except for the half dozen coupons I had so brutally shoved into her sweet hands.

Sighing and shaking her pretty brunette head, she gently handed me back the clicking candle lighter thingies coupons.

I forgot to give her some money.